The Indomitable Ferret?

Normally, when an incendiary topic such as this is brought up, say, on a blog, the author has to develop pretentious reasoning such as, "I've been collecting comics for twenty-plus years, what the fuck do you know?" or "I gave Wolverine a fare shake but can't stand his stupid face", to justify the words that follow.

I'm not going to do that. I'm not that kind of guy.

However, inspired by my previous mention of the character, I'm going to strip Marvel's most famous mutant down to the crap that makes him tick and reveal the rationale behind my growing dislike of the character.

1. Wolverine is an overexposed aggregate of cliches.
Before getting into the undercurrent of this ridiculous piece of art, let's take a moment to address the obvious - Wolverine's costume. To me, the quintessential element of all great superhero costumes is functionality that facilitates a hero's approach to fighting the forces of evil. For example, Batman's paramilitary ninja garb is a composite of his unique brand of vigilantism and necessary theatricality. Conversely, Spiderman's minimalist spandex ensemble allows him to cruise the NYC skyline with ease and get the drop on foes from above without being hindered by utility belts, capes, gadgets, etc. Now, considering the importance of functionality, let's turn our attention to Wolverine.

Hmmmm.

A quick Wikipedia search reveals that the wolverine "has a reputation for ferocity and strength out of proportion to its size, with the documented ability to kill prey many times its size".

Sweet.

Sadly, Wolverine's costume does little to conjure up the image of his furry, ill-tempered, Nordic dwelling namesake (also from Wikipedia). Rather, Wolverine's Guess jeans (Falcon cut), tastefully "wrecked" tank top, and cowboy hat are essential components of another, unfortunately impractical, laughable costume - "The French Canadian Tuxedo". Briefly, the "French Canadian Tuxedo" is a multi-functional outfit worn by French Canadian men between the ages of 18-65, and is suitable for events ranging from line dancing at "la cabane a sucre" (Maple Sugar Shack) to weddings and funerals. While this outfit can be praised for its infinite variety, it should be noted that it provides its wearer with little to no mobility and protection from the elements. With this knowledge, one cannot help but wonder how a mutant who specializes in close-quarter combat can hope to be successful in his plight against the forces of evil. Sure, his butt might look great, but is that really the point? Moreover, Wolverine's appearance does little to strike fear in his opponent(s) or inspire confidence in his comrades and/or civilians like me. I don't know about you, but if I was tied to a bomb or found myself being held at gun point, I wouldn't want the lost Village Person coming to my rescue, adamantium claws or not.

Wolverine's appearance presents us with an opportunity to delve deeper into his character by exploring the hushed (not really) emotional undercurrent that defines him.

-The Badass: Wolverine is the perfect example of the man's man. He does what he wants when he wants. The Badass rides a motorcycle, drinks beer, smokes, and calls it like it is. "Subterfuge" is not in the Badass' vocabulary as he is direct and awesome like a punch in the face, which he is a master of. Unfortunately, the qualities that define the Badass also lead his downfall. To explain, due to this straight forward nature, the Badass works best in small doses as there is nothing to him beyond what can be gleaned in five minutes. Unfortunately, as a character, the Badass is woefully overused, which, in the case of Wolverine has resulted in the production of rehash after rehash of the same story.

To further pursue the notion of the ruin of a character through overexposure, let's observe a Badass analogy: Wolverine vs. Charles Bronson.

Wolverine was first introduced in 1974 and has been a mainstay in comics since the publication of Giant Size X-Men #1 (1975). You do the math.

"Death Wish", also released in 1974, is a film about a Badass who becomes a Badass by indiscriminately killing criminals, which is Badass. The running time for "Death Wish" is 93 minutes, which, in my estimation, is the perfect amount of time for a Badass to occupy my attention without getting bored, which is also Badass.

Let's say the "Death Wish" running time of 93 minutes was extended by 36 years, would you still care? I don't think so. Would you get tired and bored? Hell yes.

Nevertheless, and this much is obvious, so I won't dwell on it, the Badass, although cool, is as uninspired and overused as it gets. The typical story arc of a plot featuring a Badass typically goes as follows:

1. Exposition: Badass is introduced in Badass way.
2. Complication: Badass' life is complicated.
3. Rising Action: Badass gets involved in a Badass way.
4. Climax: Badass must prove why he is a Badass.
5. Falling Action: Badass relaxes like a Badass.
6. Denouement: Badass ties up loose ends. No French is spoken because French is not Badass.

Since his introduction, all Wolverine stories have panned out similarly and culminate in the fact that Wolverine stories are as predictable as anything else out there, mostly due to the one-dimensional nature and overexposure of the character.

It should be noted that Badass serves as an umbrella to many other tired cliches that are worth listing (but not discussing) as they simultaneously make up Wolverine. These cliches consist of the following:

1. The jaded, rejected lover. (yawn)
2. The lone gunslinger. (ugh)
3. The wandering, masterless samurai, or Ronin. (sheesh)
4. The tough guy with the heart of gold. (yeah)

With all this being said, the question remains: Why has Marvel failed to manage Wolverine's time and make him way cooler by limiting his appearances?

The answer is simple: everyone wants to be Wolverine.

2. Deep down everyone wants to be Wolverine and must be indulged on some level (The Vicious Circle).
Over the years, Wolverine has drawn an interesting crowd who, despite their good intentions, have diluted the impact of the character while directly influencing his overexposure.

Observe the Vicious Circle:

1. Wolverine does something Badass (i.e. Wolverine goes ape-shit and guts the ninja who killed his girlfriend. Again.)
2. Wolverine Fanboy reacts (i.e. "Wolverine is Badass. I like Badasses. I will support and emulate Wolverine and, in turn, will become a Badass")
3. Marvel observes Fanboy reactions to Wolverine and publishes more comics featuring Wolverine*, thus overexposing him and ruining him.
*Wolverine is currently featured in a whopping six books, not counting Avengers and Marvel "event" books.
4. Repeat (see #1)

Propagation of Wolverine is entirely dependent on this quasi-Socratic, positive feedback loop which, if you are familiar with behavioral psychology, can only be broken through harsh means and will result in a lot of angry nerds. The sad irony of all this is that Wolverine's destiny is bound to those who present the antithesis to all that he is.

3. Wolverine is invincible. Invincible is dumb.
Knowing that Wolverine has survived getting torn in half, not to mention much worse, has evoked repeated "This is so fucking stupid" responses from me. Due either to his healing factor or iron will, Wolverine simply cannot die.

Being invincible is bad and here's why.

Wolverine presents Marvel writers with the same problem Superman presents the scribes over at DC: How to challenge someone who cannot die.

As awesome and shocking as it is to see someone get torn asunder, it has zero impact if that person can get up and put themselves back together. Knowing this, I have to ask what the point of the fight was altogether. Rather than waste page space telling a story we've read time and time again, storytellers need to move beyond inflicting gruesome, meaningless injuries on Wolverine.

Seriously. Give the guy a break.

Rather than publish 6 issues of predictability, save the paper and write a single issue featuring an original challenge for the protagonist: Wolverine vs. Hulk Jenga Tournament (Best of 5).

I would read this. Really.

By removing the invincibility of both characters from the equation, we can behold the quiet test of two heavyweight's manual dexterity, reflexes and fortitude - a worthier conflict than a to-the-death (not really) rumble in the forest that was originally published in Hulk #180-2 (1974).

My Concession.

I feel it is fitting to end my post with a concession. While I admit to not liking Wolverine to the point where I spent an entire Saturday writing about him, I will grant you this much:

There are great Wolverine stories out there; the very recent, 8-issue mini-series "Old Man Logan" proves this.

Without spoiling the story, I will simply praise Mark Millar for taking Wolverine in a completely original direction. Millar's execution of this great yarn was reliant on a singular device: take the Badass out of Wolverine and make him human. What follows is a character-driven race through a post-apocalyptic Marvel landscape that reveals the true potential and vulnerability of Wolverine, which is something we can all relate to and something writers should get back to.