Am I not merciful!?

I've been reading comics for as long as I can remember and have been collecting them longer than I'd care to admit to most people. Comics, for me, are as therapeutic as a long walk with my dog, and not nearly half the trouble, and are a wholly unique brand of literature that I've been studying for some time and will no doubt discuss in depth as I continue to write this blog.

While I can't draw anything beyond stick figures having sex, I've always been intrigued by the composition of comic panels and the arrangement of static images to tell a story. Splash pages, or one page panels, are an especially interesting literary device as they slow the story and force the reader to pause and take everything in. Further, splash pages are a chance for artists to showcase their talents and add an exclamation mark to a story with an iconic (hopefully) interpretation of characters/essential plot elements. My first actual post deals with the subject of the iconic comic poses that have come to define the comic characters and moments we love (yes, you love comics too). For this first of a semi-regular series of blog posts, I've selected the ever popular image of the slumped and brooding monarch and/or villain.

Reminiscent of Rodin's "Le Penseur", this meditative image of a would be world conqueror has been a mainstay in sequential art for some time as it often serves as a signal to readers that shit is about to go down in a big kind of way. For example, while Robert E. Howard's Conan the Barbarian (perhaps the first character to be drawn brooding on his throne) capped off his ascendancy to the Aquilonian throne with this awesome, contemplative pose, effectively ending his epic rise to the kingship, we know that the real story is just beginning and that more heads are about to roll.

The success of this sweet image is reliant on the absent-minded yet determined scowl that says, "my ennui and melancholy are only outweighed by my unbounded rage against things that suck". While I did not read Ultimatum (mostly because Jeph Loeb can't write Marvel characters, but that's another post for another time), David Finch drew an excellent teaser of Ultimate Magneto channeling his inner Cimmerian as he prepares to kick the Ultimate Marvel U's collective ass. Finch's artwork extends the awesomeness of the original King Conan pose with the inclusion of two small, but decidedly cool, accents - Thor's hammer, Mjolnir, and an Old Testament inspired epigraph that, in short, makes it very apparent that Magneto is more powerful than the Norse and Christian Gods, and that he's about to get biblical.

That said, follow-through is especially important to the overall impact of the pose. Sadly, while Magneto did deliver the goods by leveling a good chunk of the Ultimate Marvel U. and killing off a bunch of characters, he was eventually killed by the lamest X-Man after Wolverine - Cyclops, who in turn was thankfully shot in the head by Quicksilver. The notion of justice aside, this, to me at least, negates all the devastation Magneto wrought and the power of the pose itself. Based on this, one can only come to the conclusion that while intelligent, willful and all-powerful, Magneto was in sore need something extra to push him over the top and achieve ultimate success - a whole lot of crazy.

Allow me to present Tetsuo.


Holy shit.
This is how the pose should be executed.

For those uninitiated into the world of "Akira", Otomo's Tetsuo is a Japanese kid who accidentally acquires telekinetic and other powers and achieves what can best be described as godhood at the cost of his mind and body, a whole lot of people, and Tokyo. Power-wise, both Magneto and Tetsuo are on the same level and are similarly disillusioned in their quest for power. That said, the key difference between both characters and the reason Tetsuo shuffled off this mortal coil and achieved omnipotence is because he, mostly due to the side effects of his rapidly evolving and uncontrollable powers, is bat-shit insane and perfectly willing to take all of Neo Tokyo, including his friends, down with him. Call me morbid, but this is a hell of an accomplishment for a high school student.

Ok. Before I ramble on any further, I'm going to stop myself, switch gears, and broaden my discussion to the potential real world applications and benefits of this iconic pose.

Consider the following:

1. You are (mostly) in control of your facial muscles.
2. You own a chair and are in possession of furniture and accessories that will allow you to create a throne room of sorts.
3. Sometimes, just sometimes, you think you might be crazy and/or in possession of super powers.
4. You want something that you're just not getting; for the sake of argument, let's say a glass of water from your significant other.

Given the fact that all of the above apply to you, it's time to get yourself that glass of water.

Inspiration is 99% perspiration, so you have to do a bit of leg work before achieving victory. First, practice scowling in the mirror every day for about a week. A brooding, melancholic gaze into nothing is key. You want to look as though your attention is divided between the person from whom you are demanding the water and more important secret schemes. Second, set up your "throne room" so it looks menacing and regal at the same time. Focusing on atmosphere without drawing attention away from yourself is paramount to success. Finally, and most importantly, get ready to let yourself off the chain, like a God. Like Ares, you too are the blood-soaked bane of mortal men and indiscriminate slaughter makes you thirsty.

Achieving something similar to the below is desirable but not required.



Now it is time to put your plan into action. Be sure to check your mood as you progress through these steps.

1. Seat yourself in throne room. (Mood Check: Calm, Brooding)
2. Summon your significant other. (Mood Check: Arrogant, Simmering)
3. Demand a nice, cool glass of water. (Mood Check: Arrogant, Seething)
3.1 A submissive "Yes" gets you the water and victory. Mission accomplished. (Mood Check: Calm, Brooding. See step 1)
4. Respond to all other replies, even a defiant "Yes" (you be the judge), with the appropriate rhetoric or passage from the Book of Revelations (ie. AM I NOT MERCIFUL!? or
"Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird").
Remember, making complete sense is not a requisite - just make sure you sound cool. Be creative (Mood Check: Unbounded, Raging)
4.1 Repeat step 4 until desired effect is achieved.

Enjoy the water. You deserve it.