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The fist pump is best described as a mostly-stupid, spontaneous, celebratory reaction to things that are amazing. Golfer and STD-petri dish, Tiger Woods popularized the fist pump and is often credited for the revival of this emotive gesture. On its surface, the fist pump presents us with a simple case of causality, or the relationship between a cause (or other agency) and the effect that follows.
However, the world of sports only provides us with a one-dimensional understanding of the fist pump that has been bastardized and used in dance clubs all over the world. In reality, the fist pump is an extremely nuanced behaviour that requires more attention, for exploring the subtleties of the fist pump will not only reveal its limitless versatility but will provide valuable insight into the human psyche. Fortunately, the broad landscape of the comic book medium allows us to explore the depth of this iconic pose as it features many variations of the fist pump.The "Behold My Power" Fist Pump
This variation of the fist pump differs from the celebratory version of the pose as it has nothing to do with what was accomplished, but, instead, with what will be accomplished. Take Thanos, for example.
The Infinity Gauntlet, seen here, granted Thanos power over everything in the universe. Thanos, being very, very bad, set out to do very, very bad things with the Gauntlet, namely, to impress his girlfriend, Death, by murdering half the universe. Ok. Back to the picture. At this point Thanos has done nothing with the Gauntlet other than drop a fist pump and make it shoot lasers. Aesthetics aside, this gesture sends an all important message to the heroes of the Marvel U. and would be naysayers - I will kick your ass.
This preliminary demonstration of power often goes well beyond lasers and communicates a more substantial message to observers. In other words, there are limitless variations to this variation of the fist pump. For example, observe Conan. Before moving onto bigger fish (ie. giant snakes, ape-men, dinosaur-ape-men-snakes), Conan warms up by killing anyone dumb enough to cross his path. Not only does this get the blood flowing for the main event but, more importantly, serves as the stage for a bloody and righteous fist pump that says, I can kick your ass and steal your girlfriend.
With this said, it should be noted that good, properly timed fist pumps are not just about posturing and threatening people with cosmic weapons and sharp objects.The "Happy" Fist Pump
The "Happy" Fist Pump has nothing to do with threats to the universe or anyone else. Not to be confused with the celebratory fist pump we all know and love, the Happy fist pump as nothing to do with causality but, rather, is all about the time and space the fist pumper finds him/herself in. In short, happiness is not an accomplishment but a state of mind. Take Luke Cage, for example. On a fundamental level, Luke Cage is basically Marvel's Shaft, the smooth-talking answer to every urban problem, ever. However, Luke Cage is nowhere near as cool as Shaft, has done very little to stick it to the man, and has never gone to Africa. Further, Luke Cage has lame powers that are only compounded by the fact that he's a pretty lame character. Even recent attempts to update Luke Cage by shedding his blaxploitation image in favour of a more hip demeanour have been, in my opinion, failures. That said, you'd never know how lame Luke Cage is by looking at him. Hell, if I was overused, perpetually cancelled, and sucked I'd probably fade into the obscurity of a menial job and start a blog about comics, or something. However, Luke Cage celebrates his mediocrity by fist pumping because let's face it, the guy's just happy he can pay his phone bill.
The "Three Birds" Fist Pump
Otherwise known as the "Functional" Fist Pump, the Three Birds Fist pump borrows its name from the well-known two birds idiom. However, while killing two birds with one stone is great, smashing three to pieces with a single action (ie. a fist pump) is awesome.
The Three Birds Fist Pump accomplishes the following simultaneously:
1. Ass kicking
2. Celebrating ass kicking
3. Manly bicep flexing
The synchronicity of the Three Birds Fist Pump makes it the manliest of all fist pumps* and a sublime thing to behold.
*The Three Birds Fist Pump is actually not the manliest fist pump. The "Ultra" Fist Pump (seen below) is the manliest fist pump ever. That said, the Three Birds Fist Pump is pretty manly and should always be used in a fight.
The "Ultra" Fist Pump
The "Ultra" Fist Pump is the rarest, most incredible, sexiest fist pump ever. Briefly, the Ultra Fist Pump is a sexy, flaming blend of all other fist-pumps. I'm going to stray from the comic medium here as, to my knowledge, there is only one recorded Ultra Fist Pump and it is worth noting:
Mola Ram's Ultra Fist Pump Checklist:1. Standard Fist Pump (Look what I did!): Ripping someone's heart out with his bare hands. Check.
2. Behold My Power Fist Pump (I will): Displays heart to Thuggees warning them not to fuck with him. Check.
3. Happy Fist Pump (It's good to be me): It's good to be Molarum (note the smile). Check.
4. Three Birds Fist Pump (Ass kicking; celebrating ass kicking; bicep flexing): Check. Check. Check.
5. Fire: Flaming, beating heart. Check.
Sadly, the secret to pulling off the Ultra Fist Pump died with Mola Ram as he was eaten by crocodiles. If we can look past the fact that he killed a lot of people, stole the Sankara stones, and ran a cult and a sweat shop, Mola Ram was a pretty decent guy and the world would have benefitted from a sequel to the Indy prequel and more Ultra Fist Pumps. Nevertheless, fist pumping, as evidenced by the above, is a subtle art that is not about celebrating putting balls in holes but, like an onion, is layered, mysterious and intense.
